Okay, so slightly different this time round. More of a blog post on me waffling things that have crossed my mind recently, not really sat down and planned this one at all. Not that I hugely plan what I write on here as I'm sure you'd be able to tell with by the extreme lack of correct grammar and spelling.
I was just walking home from work today and I saw this massive cloud right in front of me. Like it was huge, it had such a presence and I just stopped and looked at it for a minute and took multiple pictures and snap chats of it. Weird how a cloud made me think "Right, lets write a blog post tonight". Alright well not just the cloud but things have been happening recently which has just left me thinking "Hmmmm" quite a few times.
So the cloud made me think that, despite all the silly stuff we stress and think about in every day to day life, we are so stupidly small on this planet compared to what is around us. It just made me put a few things into perspective, like that our 'problems' that seem like the end of the entire world are just miniscule compared to the shear volume of things in the world. That sounds so deep, I'm literally just typing, this probably makes no sense what so ever but we'll roll with it.
The last few days I've been doing my other part time job as a youth worker, working with young people aged 15-19 this week. Its a job I am so incredibly inspired by, it leaves me speechless most days, especially this time round. So many level headed young individuals that gives me a little more faith in the coming generations of people that will soon be making the decisions to keep our world spinning.
The stories and lifestyles of the people I've met from all sorts of walks of life is so surreal, so grounding to hear how younger lives see the world around them. I've realised even more than I did during the summer when I did the same job that I need to be helping people. I can't go a day without knowing I've somehow impacted somebody's day even if its just a passing smile to a stranger in the street to going up to a homeless lady in the streets of Brighton and asking what I can buy for her from the shop to get her through the day and night ahead. I find it so damn hard to turn my head at something that I can somehow make a small, tiny difference to.
Recently I feel like I'm easily inspired and impacted by people around me, I'm a sensitive little soul and read into things quite deeply. The way people are around you, the way things are said, body language, asking deep and meaningful questions is one of my favourite things. I just love to really get to know someone on an in-depth level.
I guess in the recent months I've felt a little lost, coming home from the 'Dream Life' in Australia and coming back home to live under my mums roof in my little hometown. It was a HUGE thing coming home, massively made me re-think where my life was heading, especially when I started to settle in back home. Its scared the shit out of me that I could be happy just being at home and not being in a beautiful country.
A lot of things have changed in the recent months, a lot of ups and downs and roundabouts and emotions, health hiccups and money trouble and you name it. And some days I think fuck, where is my life heading and what do I actually want to do, Like am I living to my absolute full potential. Other days I'm like "Yeah, I've got this" and I'm quite happy doing the jobs I'm doing, being where I am. Right now, right this second I'm excited, intrigued and hungry for something that I cant quite put my finger on. Things that people notice about you, things that people show interest in, things that people quote to you about something you've written years ago. Gives you a good feeling, and quite frankly made me want to write more on here. I mean I have absolutely no idea what I've said in this whole damn post, but I enjoy it so fuck it.
I'm going to work on a few things after writing this, gut insticts are super important. Putting myself first for once and really putting myself first, just being comfortable in my own mind, body and soul. Being so happy that you can see it beaming out of my face. Spend time with the people that make you feel like you. Taking risks, chasing the work I want to do and just saying "Fuck It" more.
After all, we're only human and we're all just winging it anyway.
I've had a song on repeat whilst writing this post. Hailee Steinfeld &Grey ft. Zedd - Starving.
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